My mother the semi-retired “Event Planner”, just can’t get a grasp on todays globe- trotting, tech savvy, super original do it your self Brides,  “It’s just not like it used to be”, she keeps saying to me. 

She’s right, as weddings get more original, and they are held in different destinations with added technology like online RSVP’s it is incredibly tricky, for brides and planners alike to follow the old rules of Etiquette. 

As more couples plan destination weddings, new problems such as travel and sleeping arrangements, add a unique dynamic to the planning of an event.  While the etiquette of some traditions will always remain the same, others like the ones below require a little updating.   

Should you send out Save the dates, and have a wedding website:  Its important to remember that if you are planning a destination wedding, your Guests may need to plan just as much as you do, in order to make it there for your big day.  Save the Dates are extremely important for both the destination event and the hometown reception.  Rule of thumb is that they should be the first thing you do, this way Guests can make plans to be able to share in your day.  Include information about your date, and hotel options.   In addition your should make sure that the wedding invitations go out a little early, at least two months before the event, so that Guests can have any other details they may need.   

We think that in the case of a destination wedding it is important to have a wedding website.  You can update the site with pertinent information and details as you get them.  If there are additional activities you want your Guests to participate in, there is a place to talk about it!  

What should the couple pay for? And what do the family’s pay for?  This is a question I see with EVERY wedding, destination or held in your hometown, old or young couple.  Everyone wants to know what they are responsible for.  Old Etiquette remains the same with this one.  Typically the Brides family covers the cost of the wedding, although these days the burden is often split between the couple and the bride’s parents.  T

The Couple should cover the expense of housing out of town attendants if they are having a hometown wedding.  If they are having a destination wedding they should cover the cost of the hotel rooms for all of the attendants. 

The Grooms family should pay for the rehearsal dinner, which should include, not only the close family of the bride and groom and the attendants, but also all Guests that have traveled from out of town, if it is a hometown wedding.  If the Host is not able to afford to include all of the out of town Guests for dinner,  a solution is to host a cocktail hour, after the meal to which you should invite them.

If you are planning a destination wedding you are not required to pay for the activities that you plan at the destination, although some couples do choose to do so. 

The attendants should pay for their own attire, including shoes.  Typically the accessories that attendants will wear in the wedding are gifts from the couple.

It is important to remember as a couple, if you are planning a destination wedding, there is a significant expense for your attendants, They need to cover the regular expenses such as gifts and clothes, but they also have to cover their travel expenses to get to the destination, as well as meals and activities while they are there.  When planning it is a good idea to remember how your decisions will affect the people closet to you, and adjust accordingly.

Kids or no Kids?  I spoke about this in a earlier post on the etiquette of wedding invitations, however it bears mention here as well.  If the children’s names are not on the invitation they are not invited.  In the case of a destination wedding, while you can keep parents from bringing the kids to the ceremony, you cannot ban them from the entire trip.  If you have many “no kids” activities planned, you might consider hiring childcare at the resort or arranging a group activity for the children to participate in to keep them busy. 

Can I e-mail my wedding invitation and get an online RSVP?  While e-mail and online invitations have become the common trend for parties and impromptu social gathering, part of a wedding is the pomp and circumstance that goes along with it.  If your wedding is going to be a formal affair, then traditional formal wedding invitations should be sent out, and a traditional response card should be sent back.  You can however include an online RSVP page on your website that will allow guests to indicate they are coming and even converse and make plans with others, this is especially handy when you are planning a destination wedding and people are looking to make hotel and travel arrangements together.

If you are planning a wedding you might consider some of these other wedding etiquette resources, Something New: Wedding Etiquette by Elise Mac Adam or Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette, Fifth Edition, by Peggy Post.

What are your etiquette Questions?  Are you planning a wedding or social event and want to know if it ok to do something “these days”, Leave us a comment and one of our planners will get back to you with an answer to your question!  

Number 10 - Save Time - Planning a wedding takes an enormous amount of time.  In fact, the average couple spends well over 200 hours planning their special day.  A good Wedding Planner will save you time and energy by researching vendors, taking care of the many details and coming up with various creative ideas to make your wedding dreams come true.

Number 9 - Save Money - With the ever increasing cost of a wedding, couples are of course looking for a way to stay within a budget and still fulfill their dreams. Hiring a Wedding Planner can

save a great deal of money because of the relationships they have with vendors.  Planners provide these companies with so much business they are often able to negotiate discounts that their clients would not receive it they booked themselves.  In addition, a great planner is well versed at setting budgets and sticking to them.

Number 8 - Save Relationships - Weddings are very stressful, and this stress often results in arguments both between the couple as well as the with family members and friends.  With the planner as a mediator, disagreements can be quickly settled or avoided entirely.  Wedding Planners have been there time and time again.  They know how to avoid conflicts and problems before they begin an can act as a buffer when conflicts do arise.  They often takes on responsibilities that would be assigned to family members or loved ones - so that everyone can enjoy the wedding.   

Number 7 - Make Every Dream a Reality - Most brides have been dreaming of thier wedding day for their entire life. Wedding planners work for the couple to ensure that all desires are met (and often surpassed)!

Number 6 - Offer Advice - Wedding Planners have planned countless weddings, they know exactly what works and what doesn't and why.  They are also knowledgeable on wedding etiquette, and can help the couple through situations they don't know how to handle.  Furthermore, wedding planners are able to recommend competent vendors, based on personal experience. 

Number 5 - Act as the "go to person" - The average wedding has at least Twenty different vendors.  Combine that with the wedding party, parents of the Bride and Groom as well as all of the guests and it equals a lot of people with questions and concerns!  By hiring a wedding planner, couples can simply tell others “talk to the wedding planner!”

Number 4 - Create Schedules - There are so many events leading up to the big day!  Add that to what needs to happen during the wedding and who can keep track?  The wedding planner can!  Wedding planners are well-versed at making detailed itineraries for all involved (including other vendors). It will be their job to make sure that everything happens on time    
Number 3 - Handle a Crisis - Whether we like it or not, most big events involve some sort of crisis.  No Bride or Groom really wants to deal with the bakery not delivering the cake on time or the flower girl throwing a tantrum on their wedding day?  Wedding planners know how to handle all unforeseen circumstances and have a wealth of resources at their fingertips to fix the issues. 

Number 2 - Orchestrate - From rehearsal through the end of reception – the wedding planner will ensure that everyone is lines up properly, and that the guest who had a little 

too much to drink departs safely?  Start to finish, Wedding Planners ensure everything goes off without a hitch!

Number 1 - Minimize Stress, Maximize Fun! - Hiring a wedding planner ensures that you will have a worry-free and stress-free day, it is your Dream after all, why should you enjoy the day just as much as your Guests?